IN SILENCE SHALL I SPEAK 1

Having journeyed some 20 years in getting to learn and know the Siddhas and their path, finally, I am told that nothing is greater than the joy of silence. But before reaching this point on the path Agathiyar called me over through a Nadi reading, spoke about my past karma, had me worship the Siddhas, gave me remedies, had me travel to India on a pilgrimage, and showed me my first guru Supramania Swami, initiated me officially into the path by sending Tavayogi to my shores, having me taken to their abodes in the hills, jungles, and caves and have Tavayogi officially teach me Yoga Asanas and Pranayama. He had Tavayogi officially start the ritual of lighting the sacrificial fire too. Tavayogi set me off on doing charity beginning at his ashram that expanded further to the streets of Kuala Lumpur with the aid of Mr. and Mrs. Sri Krishna and moving into the homes of the poor that was shown by Agathiyar. After all these activities reached a peak, he had us lay down these tools and sit in the confines of our homes for the virus was lurking outside. This was the prequel to what was to come later. If the past 2 1/2 years of the pandemic he had made us drop all the activities that we carried out at AVM and its charity arm Amudha Surabhi, now he wants me to zip up I guess. 

Tavayogi like Sri Ramakrishna was clear about his role as a guru.

Richard Schiffman wrote in his "Sri Ramakrishna – A Prophet for the New Age", Paragon House, 1989, 

"He prayed continually to Kali to grant his spiritual children ecstatic love for God. When divine love comes, it comes as a pure gift. It comes as a miracle. Ramakrishna rejoiced at seeing his disciples grow in spirit with Kali's special grace on them. He only helped to fan it. He knew too well that the best efforts towards attaining this ecstatic state, count very little, only as much as helping to clear the way for love's descent. What was required was the grace and love of the divine."

The guru brings changes either knowingly or unknowingly to the disciple and whoever comes into contact. Schiffman summarizes the role of God and Guru beautifully: Ramakrishna considered the guru as "a torch in the hands of god and a conduit for his grace." He also taught his disciples that god was the sole guru and the teacher in the physical form, his instrument.

Tavayogi stood aside showing us to Agathiyar who was his guru too. He showed us the rituals in the Siddha puja and had us follow them concurrently as he conducted these at his Kallar ashram. He never gave a discourse unless he took the stage at events. His teaching at other times came as a brief statement or observation that he left behind as he passed us or took us on his walks or visits. Today we understand pretty well all that he said after gaining similar experiences. He never spoke about the destination but gave us the means and the ways and the method and practices. It is only when we put them into practice that we can progress another step. He would watch and observe and add another rung to the ladder seeing our progress. The Siddhas never gave us the ladder to climb knowing pretty well that we shall never use it. Rather they would have us build one, rung by rung as we follow their teaching. 

Ramakrishna reminded his followers sternly, "Learn from me as much as I have told you. But if you want to know more, you must pray to God in solitude", writes Schiffman. Ramakrishna used to question, "How can a mere mortal enlighten another? The guru is only a pure and clear channel for God's healing and guiding energy." It is so clear now. The guru who has been commissioned to bring to shore the lost souls, his children who had drifted far and apart, cannot be contented with mere teaching. Theirs is a forceful and direct approach, practically pulling us off the ground where we were rooted deep and anchored, for ages. Indeed Agathiyar comes on forcefully on devotees telling them what he wanted them to do. 

Lord Muruga asked me to sit in silence and go within some time back. So what is the significance of remaining and maintaining silence?

Schiffman writes about the significance and depth of silence. Silence is potent. In silence the walls that separate the guru and disciple seizes to exist, he adds. Both their hearts meet. In silence, there is neither giving nor receiving. Just being in each other's presence. The most important works are accomplished in silence we are told. This statement is confirmed by the poet sage Nakkirar in his prayer to Lord Vinayagar, "The Vinayagar Thiruagaval." 

மோனா ஞான முழுதும் அளித்து
சிற்பரிப் பூரண சிவத்தைக் காண
நற்சிவ நிட்கள நாட்டமுந் தந்து
குருவுஞ் சீடனுங் கூடிக் கலந்து
இருவரும் ஒரு தனியிடந் தனிற் சேர்ந்து
தானந்தமாகித் தற்பர வெளியில்
ஆனந்த போத அறிவைக் கலந்து
ஈசனிைணயடியிருத்தி
மனத்தே நீயே நானாய்
நானே நீயாய்க்
காயா புரியைக் கனவெனவுணா்ந்து
எல்லாமுன் செயலென்ேற உணர
நல்லா உன்னருள் நாட்டந் தருவாய்
காரண குருவே கற்பகத் களிேற

வாரணமுகத்து வள்ளலே போற்றி

If reciting the names of the Siddhas in puja bridged both our worlds, the above verses created the space for both guru and student to spend some quality time. If in singing the verses, அகத்தீசா உனது சீடர்களாகிய ஒன்பது கோடி பேரும் என்னைச் சூழ்ந்திருந்து நான் விரும்பியதெல்லாம் முடித்து வைப்பதோடு மட்டுமல்லாது உன்னுடைய மலையாகிய பொதிகைக்கு என்னை அழைத்துவர என்னைச் சீடனாக நீ ஏற்றுக்கொள்ள வேண்டும். நான் உய்வதற்கு அருள் புரிய வேண்டும். உனது அருள் பூரணமாகப் பெற்றல் வேண்டும் brought Tavayogi to take us on long walks to the abodes of the Siddhas, Lord Vinayagar created the space and the much-needed silence for me to contemplate in the comfort of my home where the guru and disciple could sit in silence and merge in similar thoughts; focusing on the feet of Shiva, the one becoming the other and understanding that all is a dream and that it is all his play.

Schiffman writes of these Godmen, The guru's heart is alive in God, making one feel the presence of the living God. Living in the world of God, the true disciple lives out the dream of God."

This should be our dream too. To live out the dream of God. Poet Bharathiyar realized this too and sang தன்செய லெண்ணித் தவிப்பது தீர்ந்திங்கு நின்செயல் செய்து நிறைவுபெறும் வண்ணம் நின்னைச் சரணடைந்தேன் — கண்ணம்மா. நின்னைச் சரணடைந்தேன்.

We learn from Ruzbeh Bharucha's writings that sitting in silence has the tendency to bring one to be filled with more Param Akash Tatva. The causal body is made of Param Akash Tatwa or Prime Ether, Param Vayu Tatwa or Prime Air, and Param Agni Tatwa or Prime Fire. We have all the more reason then to sit in silence. For one seeking and working towards his goals of attaining the Divine state, there is a more urgent need to focus on silence because Vairagya Vruti, or disenchantment sets in as we delve deeper and deeper into a state of silence says Ruzbeh. Since both the Param Vayu Tatva and Param Agni Tatva pull us away from this state of disenchantment leading us into Maya or illusion and getting us entangled more and more with the body and its relationship, we have all the reason now to just sit in silence.

Soon having been accustomed daily to the place and mood created, the self settles on its own nudging wonderfully into its domain - that of silence. In these hours of silence, the "self" speaks with the "higher self" whom we have given numerous names and forms.