I think if Agathiyar and Tavayogi had brought me the hard and difficult way that they went through to arrive at where they are today, I would have given up. I cannot stomach pain. A small headache gives me the intensity of migraine in me. A common cold that most people brush off and go on doing their work gets me laid down for several days. Imagine how am I going to survive the wilderness and the extreme climate that they saw in their ventures. It is true what Jnana Jothiamma said of me that I would not survive what she had to go through in her quest to Siddahood. Agathiyar has at numerous times told me the same and conducted things in such a way that I do not feel pain or it is minimum. I guess I am a spoilt brat.
I am more determined to see it through all the more now. Agathiyar led me to take tiny steps to arrive here now. I guess he had monitored me all the while even before I heard his name mentioned the first time in 1996. Or rather he had monitored me even in my many pasts lives. Looking back now I see his hand in every moment of my life. I dread to think how my life would have ended up if not for his unseen timely intervention in all scopes of my life.
The late Dr. Krishnan told me that only the Siddhas' Nadi can reveal if I was cursed in the past when I put the question to him if his predictions had ever gone wrong. He admitted it could as was in my case. He was a very well-renowned astrologer and Siddha physician whose predictions came through for others but not me. But back then I never was moved to seek the Nadi. In 2001 Agathiyar in a mysterious manner came to claim me. It was only revealed after several years that the surprise initiation that came through my nephew was initiated by Agathiyar through his Paramaguru Gopal Pillai.
In 2002 my colleague rather out of the blue spoke of his experience in seeing his Nadi in 2000. That set the ball rolling. I began to collect moss and some jewels too.
Agathiyar in the Nadi reading laid out several small steps to take as they are the best way to tackle the big goals that he had for me. If he had laid the entire blueprint of my life before me I would have backed off looking at the immense journey to be accomplished. I did not need to start from zero then as I had done some work in carrying out home puja to the deities and practiced Yoga after having done much reading on religion and the Agamas, customs and tradition, and Yoga practices between the years 1980 to 1988. It was all brought to a stop by Lord Shiva who appeared in a dream asking me to take a break from all the questions that rained on me like bullets then. This break saw me married and have children.
So when Agathiyar started me off on puja and yoga again in the Nadi reading, it came easy. The only addition was the recitation of the names of Siddhas which were new. Wanting to know more about their worship brought me to numerous Peedhams, ashrams, movements, societies, and organizations. Though they were engaged in many things puja was not one of them. I carried on with my home puja and Yoga. Agathiyar showed me to my first guru Supramania Swami of Tiruvannamalai the following year and Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal in 2005. Each guru led me by taking small accommodating steps toward Agathiyar's goal and purpose for me.
Though Agathiyar did not mention my purpose in coming to my Nadi, he had many seekers and aspirants come and join my home puja. I began to figure out that we were brought together to carry out puja and charity. The home puja extended to the confines of temples with invitations extended to us and the wishes of these engaging youths. After my return from my maiden pilgrimage to India in 2003 I began to share my journey on my websites and wrote about my gurus and their ashram activities sharing them on YouTube too. When I chose to close them all after reading an insulting comment by a friend of a friend who shared my gurus' photo on Facebook, I informed Tavayogi who asked "Why did you do that son? Let that be. It will benefit many." I started from scratch again uploading the articles and videos on YouTube. I figured that I was meant to write about them just as Tavayogi had asked me to speak about the Siddhas during his visit and opening of a Peedham in Banting, Malaysia in 2010. Agathiyar too in many Nadi readings encouraged me to write. Lately, he told me enough of writing about him and instead write about the internal changes and experiences I was going through now. I guess this is my journey and purpose as for now.
We are glad that we involved the children too in our puja for now since the adults have been asked to go within these children can carry on the Siddha tradition.
