THE JOURNEY IN GOING WITHIN 1

Continuing the tradition from my parents I carried on home puja in my bachelor's home when I got a job away from my hometown. I visited all the temples in the vicinity regularly. I picked up and practiced Yoga too learning from books. This was between 1980 and 1988. Then there came a period of abstinence between 1988 and 1998 from all my former routines as directed by Lord Shiva in a dream. This was to put on hold all my questions and doubts that were raised on the very existence of the divine whom I saw only bringing down hailstones raining it on his poor devotees around me. People around me were suffering. Why did God who is said to be compassionate and merciful torture his devotees? It did not seem like the act of a compassionate and merciful God. That is when I had the dream asking me to lay off for a while till another day. That day came in 2001. Meanwhile, I was transferred back to my headquarters in Kuala Lumpur promptly. I started a family and only visited temples for their sake. In 1994 I receive a painting of Lord Shiva, the Autobiography of A Yogi (Yogananda), and a few words of advice from a parting colleague who decided to take up monkhood at Yogananda's Ranchi Ashram in India. If before this I only knew the Hindu pantheon of Gods, Yogananda's book exposed me to the existence of masters and gurus. Bringing my children to the National Library often I began to pick up some books on religion and spiritualism. I began to walk into bookshops looking for more books. I began to read again. In 2001 I receive a visitor who brings me God's message. My nephew was used as a vehicle to convey Agathiyar's instructions to me, though I was not told then it was from Agathiyar. This was the moment that Lord Shiva had spoken about in my dream I knew. I began to chant the Vasudeva mantra given to me and started puja to Goddess Ma throughout the days of Navaratri that followed. I was given a painting of Lord Dhakshanamurthy too to worship. I was told that I shall meet my guru soon. A year later I was drawn to read my Nadi. Looking through my past lives and my baggage of karma, Agathiyar sends me on a pilgrimage to carry out remedies besides getting me to conduct Mantra Japam or recitation of mantras of the conventional Gods and Goddesses in the Hindu pantheon. I was asked to pray to the Siddhas too and received a painting of Agathiyar and a small book carrying the names of the Siddhas. As this was new to me I went around looking for places where the Siddhas were worshiped. Looking around I returned home to carry out their worship with whatever little I learned. This is how I started the worship of the Siddhas. My maiden pilgrimage to India to carry out my Pariharam or remedies brought me to my guru, Supramania Swami once my baggage of karma was placed at the Holy Feet of the respective deities during this circuit of temple worship. Three years later they sent Tavayogi Thangarasan Adigal of Kallar Ashram to our shores where I met him. He took me under his wings after Agathiyar commanded me to get a second initiation from him after my second Nadi reading. I was officially accepted into their folds and came directly under his wings after Agathiyar redirected me to go to Tavayogi's Kallar peedham instead of patronizing a local peedham as directed earlier. Five years later Agathiyar had me commission his statue in bronze in the looks of his granite statue at Agasthiyampalli, India, to place him at the Sri Jagadguru Sri Raghavendra Mrithika Brindavanam in Ipoh but decided later to stay put in my home AVM. I realize that Agathiyar constantly watches events and our thoughts and the extent of our participation or actions and our commitment to his course and turns a game changer. With Tavayogi giving us tips and Agathiyar giving guidance in subsequent Nadi readings I journeyed with them. There were many practices given and at times I was cautioned too. It is all on these pages of the blog.

After Agathiyar's calling to come to the path, and having been introduced to Tavayogi, who showed us rituals, charity, and Yoga, and as we progressed from Sariyai to Kriyai and stood at Yoga, Agathiyar brought a stop to all external activities and had us go within. Just as Patanjali in his Yoga Sutra brings one to turn around and look within at one juncture, Agathiyar had us go within to tell us that it was enough. 

BKS Iyengar says that sage Patanjali listed ways to attain Yoga or union, beginning with the control and mastery of external issues and finally bringing one within. The eight aspects or limbs of Yoga of which the first five namely, Yama, Niyama, Asana, Pranayama, and Pratyahara are known as a forward journey from the body towards the soul, says Iyengar. Then Patanjali takes us on a reverse path, or a return journey now moving inwards, from the body towards the soul, that is termed as the true renunciation, contrary to the common belief and understanding of renouncing the world. Knowing the seed of consciousness and having realized it Patanjali shows the way to Dharana, Dhyana, and Samadhi. Patanjali shows the way to how one can reach the abode of the soul forever so that all the actions he performs in the world, will not reflect any reaction, hence severing the fine thread of birth and rebirth.

Watching the documentary film "Samadhi - The Pathless Path", it is interesting to relate to and realize that getting to expand our energy or Sakthi as in carrying out Sariyai and Kriyai amounts to going on pilgrimages, doing rituals and puja, carrying out charity, etc they had led us on the Sakthi path. Today in asking us to go within they lead us to the Shiva path, which comprises non-involvement, remaining silent and indifferent to the world, only tending to the thought that arises and eventually subsides. Agathiyar told me recently that there is nothing greater than silence and asked me to adopt it. "Silence is the greatest teaching. The purest teaching. The purest teachings are transmitted in silence. One becomes equanimous with what is. Surrender to what is. Attentive to what is." In saying this the narrator of the documentary gives an account of Buddha's life. 

"Rather than giving a long Satsang or teaching with words, Buddha just let the students sit with a flower for the entire time. Only one student received the transmission. Only one student got it. To receive such a subtle transmission requires a subtle mind." Here the need for us to shift from the gross to the subtler arises. The Siddhas teach just that. We are told that Lord Dhakshanamurthi who had four disciples who sat with him and questioned him realized that there was no end to their questions. He stopped replying and remained silent. In that silence, they all attained Gnanam or enlightenment. 

On 30.1. 2020 Agathiyar gives further instructions to be followed. These practices shall take you further he said after he, through the Nadi, and Tavayogi guided me over the years. He told me that I shall come to know what is right and what went wrong. Both shall be lessons I learn. Whatever is initiated immediately and promptly shall bring on success. He says, "All this while you saw to your needs in this world. Now you shall undertake an internal journey. I shall relate what needs to be done to realize your purpose in coming here." He said I had stagnated. He continued, "You cannot possibly break the shackle alone. Hence follow the practices that I am to give you." நீ செய்தவையில் எது சரி தவறு என்று நீ கண்டறிவாய். அனைத்தும் உனக்குப் பாடம். குறித்த காலத்தில் நீ செய்த அனைத்தும் உமக்கு நன்மை தந்தது. இது நாள்வரை நீ கடந்து வந்தது இவ்வுலக வாழ்க்கையின் பயணம். இனி நீ கடக்க போவது உமது உள்பயணம். அதாவது நீ பிறந்ததின் நோக்கம் அறிவதற்கு நீ செய்யக்கூடிய வழிமுறைகள் யாம் கூற இருக்கிறோம். இதன் மூலம் உமது பிறவி பலனை அதன் நோக்கம் நீ அறிவாய். நீ உலக வாழ்க்கையில் நீர்தேங்கிறாய். இவ்கடிவாளத்தால் உம்மால் மீண்டு வர இயலாது. ஆகையால் யாம் சொல்லும் வழிமுறைகளைச் செய்து வா.

He said further, "Reduce your involvement in outside activities. Sit before me and meditate. During this moment carry out the cleansing breath as taught by your guru. Just the important ones. You shall sense a coolness within. Remain silent in these moments. Focus on your breath. Your breath shall touch the Sulimunai and swirl. Travel along your 7 chakras. That journey shall awaken your chakras. After travesing these chakras when it touches the seventh you shall know your purpose here. This is the right time to start this practice." வெளி உலக பயணம் சற்று குறைத்துக் கொள். தினமும் காலையில் குளித்து வெறும் வேஷ்டி அணிந்து என் முன் அமர்ந்து தியானம் செய்து வா. தியான முறையின் பொது உமது குரு கூறிய சுவாச சுத்திகரிப்பு பயிற்சியினை செய்து வா. அனைத்தும் வேண்டாம். மூல பயிற்சி மட்டும் போதும். அதை நீ செய்து வர உனக்குள் ஒரு தனி குளிர்ச்சி ஏற்படும். அந்நிலையில் நீ அமைதி கோல். உனது மூச்சில் கவனம் கோல். உமது மூச்சு உமது சுழிமுனை தோட்டு சூழும். உமது ஏழு சக்கரங்களில் பயணம் செய். அப்பயணம் உமது சக்கரங்கள் ஒவ்வொன்றாய் பூர்த்தி செய்யும். மூலாதாரம், ஸ்வாதிஷ்டானம், மணிபூரகம், அனாகதம், விசுத்தி, ஆக்கினையென ஏழாவது சக்கரம் தொடும் நிலையில் நீ உனது பிறவிக்கான பலனை அறிவாய். இத்தருணம் மான் மூச்சு குளத்தில் இருக்கிறது. அவை திறக்கும் தருணம் வந்தது. இப்பொழுதுதான் நீ உமது பயிற்சியினை தொடங்க வேண்டும். இந்நிலையில் அச்சக்கரம் முற்றும் திறந்து விடும். 

Agathiyar continued on the changes to be expected, "You shall witness many changes taking place within you. Do not fear. Due to the activation of the chakras your body shall emit foul smell. You shall have constipation. You shall urinate often. Take lots of warm water.  The Agathiyar Kuzhambu you took did help in expelling the 3 dosas. But there still is. It shall be expelled in due time. Carry out the said practice." உடலில் பல மாற்றங்கள் கண்டறிவாய். பயம் கொள்ள வேண்டாம். இச்சக்கரங்கள் புணர்ச்சியால் உன் உடலில் ஏற்படும் மாற்றங்கள், துர்நாற்றம் வீசும், மல சிக்கல் ஏற்படும், கழிவு ஆகும், சிறுநீர் அதிகம் வெளியேறும். வெந்நீர் அதிகம் அருந்து. அன்று நீ உண்ட குழம்பினாள் உன் உடலிலிருந்து வாத, பித்த, கபம் சற்றே அகன்றது. இன்னும் இருக்கிறது. அவை அகலும். இப்பயிற்சியினை மேற்கோள்.

Agathiyar enlightens us further. "When one starts the journey in going within, the result is Gnanam. But it shall vary among people. Hence I cannot say exactly what shall take place. All this while you have gained external knowledge or Ulaga Gnana. Now you shall gain Gnana that is going to serve you." ஒருவன் தனக்குள் உள்வாங்கி அவனுள் பயணம் துவங்கும் நேரம் அப்பயணம் தரும் பாதிப்பே ஞானம். அவை ஒவ்வொருவருக்கும் மாற்றம் பெரும். ஆகையால் அவை நான் இதுதான் என்று சொல்ல இயலாது. நீ இதுவரையில் கண்ட ஞானம் உலக வாழ்க்கை ஞானம். இனி காணப்போவது உனக்கான ஞானம். 

He spoke about his devotees who frequent AVM. "Get those who keep coming over to AVM to sit in meditation. When their external thoughts leave them Gnanam shall dawn on them and they shall take up the path of Gnanam." தவறாமல் வருபவர்கள் கூற வேண்டும் என்றால் அவர்களை அமைதி காத்து தியானம் மேற்கொள்ளச் சொல். அவர்களின் எண்ணம் எப்போ அவர்களை விட்டு விலகுகிறது அப்போ அவர்கள் ஞானம் கைகூடி அவர்கள் ஞான பாதையில் அடி வைப்பார்கள்.

He answered my yearning to pull the shutters down. "You need not go into solitude now. You need to share many things with others. I shall tell you when is the right time to do so. Start this practice first. It shall lead you one further." இன்றைய கணம் நீ தனிமை படுத்திக்க வேண்டாம். நீ பகிர்வது இன்னும் சிலருக்கு தேவை படுகிறது. நான் சொல்லும் நேரம் நீ அதனைத் தொடங்கலாம். இப்பயிற்சியினை முதலில் மேற்கோள். அவை உன்னை வழிநடத்தும். 

He went on to ask me to prepare a concoction and reminded me that it was not to be shared with others. இவ்கமண்டலம் போல் ...... அந்நீர் உமக்கு மட்டுமே. யாரிடமும் பகிர வேண்டாம்.

"Sleep here in the prayer room from now on." உமது  படுகையினை இனி இவ்வறையில் வைத்துக்கொள். நீ படுக்கும் திசையில் உமது சிரசு என் நிலையை நோக்க உன்பாதம் அவ்வினை நோக்க வேண்டும். நீண்டிருக்க உமது வசதிக்கு ஏற்ப படுத்துக்கொள். 

I was overjoyed to hear that Vallal (Ramalinga Adigal) shall aid me too with my practice. "When you realize yourself completely and realize that everything around you is impermanent you shall stand apart from it all. That is to be motionless in all manner or Summa Eruppathu. To arrive at that state increase your Soul Power or gain Atma Balam." உமது பயிற்சியில் வள்ளலும் உமக்கு வழிநடுத்துவான். உன்னை நீ முழுதும் அறிந்து உன்னைச் சுற்றி இருக்கும் கணங்கள் அறிந்து எதுவும் நிலை அற்றது என்று நீ அறியும் அத்தருணம் வெளிக்குள் நீயே வெளி கடப்பாய். அத்தருணமே சும்மா இருப்பது. அது கிடைக்க உமது ஆத்ம பலத்தை நீ கூட்டிக்கொல். 

Agathiyar then throws in a word of caution. "Let go of your anger otherwise you shall not attain Gnanam because your anger in touching the chakras will weaken them. When in anger the blood shall intercept and change the motion of these chakras. When its motion changes the strength of your breath will diminish. Whatever your troubles, leave it to me.  Just carry out the breathing practices. Nothing else is necesary. When you reach the said state an energy or sakti shall enter you. That is Sulimunai." ஒன்று கவனம். இப்பயிற்சி உனது சினம் இறங்க வேண்டும். சினம் இருந்தால் உமக்கு ஞானம் கிட்டாது. ஏன் என்றால் உன் சினம் சிரசை தொட அச்சக்கரங்கள் பலம் இழந்து போகும். நீ சினம் கொள்ளும்போது உன்னை அறியாது உன் உடம்பில் இருக்கும் உதிரங்கள் அதன் சுழற்ச்சியினை மாற்றும். அச்சுழல்சியின் மாற்றங்கள் உமது சிரசின் மூச்சு காற்றின் சக்தி குறைந்து விடும். எதுவாகினும் எம்மிடம் விட்டு விடு. மூச்சு பயிற்சியின் மட்டும் மேற்கோள், மற்ற பயிற்சிகள் ஏதும் வேண்டாம். எனது நிலையை நீ தொடும்போது உன்னை அறியாது உன்னை நோக்கி ஒரு சக்தி உன்னுள் இறங்கும். அதுவே சுழிமுனை.

I remember how he gave me an hour-long lecture on Anger Management in the Nadi back in those days. I immediately knew my mother had reached out to him and he was conveying her worry as I was known to be an angry person.